Listen to “Make Space 32” on Spotify
And tell a friend!
In Lizzy Goodman’s oral history, Meet Me in the Bathroom: Rebirth and Rock and Roll in New York City 2001-2011, James Murphy recounts his first experience taking ecstasy. It goes on for several pages. A taste:
“I was just going to try it to try it, but then it was the greatest thing ever! It was fucking awesome, and I was dancing and I was happy and I had a revelation: this is actually me. I was fully me. I was dancing and I was fully conscious. I wasn’t sloppy. I wasn’t drunk. I was alert and I was aware that I really enjoyed dancing. People talk about drugs, and it’s very dumb but the reality was very clear to me: I was really connected to what I cared about. And after that moment, I danced to what I cared about. I was changed.”
The rest is history. DFA Records. LCD Soundsystem. Bands “selling their guitars and buying turntables.”
James Murphy owns a wine bar now. My kids had soccer practice tonight. Same difference. It’s not 2005 anymore.
The lyrics to !!!’s “Take Ecstasy with Me” are undeniably corny: “And I've got a stack of records / It's on your head so don't dare move / We could be happy just listening to your pulse.” To be fair, most drug songs are corny. Nevertheless, no MDMA, no modern music. There’s a reason Simon Reynold’s 500-page Energy Flash: A Journey Through Rave Music and Dance Culture begins with a pharmacological and cultural history of ecstasy.
There was a stretch during high school where some of my friends rolled every weekend. Glow sticks. Candy. Sasha and Digweed. Warehouse raves in Hartford. The whole bit.
I remained agnostic…or I feigned agnosticism. I feigned elitism and maturity. I feigned cool above cool above cool. In reality, I was just scared.
About a month ago, I began taking guitar lessons. Maybe I’ll sell my turntables; maybe I’ll buy more records instead. Maybe I’ll start wearing candy, dancing to Sasha and Digweed, glow sticks, the whole bit. Or maybe I’ll just sit on my deck listening to music from my 20s, trying to make sense of where I’m going, where I came from, trying to make sense of what it is that makes me actually, fully me.
Thanks for listening.
Your bud,
Ross
art @ Christopher Williams